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Through the corridors of sleep
Past the shadows dark and deep
My mind dances and leaps in confusion.
I don’t know what is real,
I can’t touch what I feel
And I hide behind the shield of my illusion.
So I’ll continue to continue to pretend
My life will never end,
And flowers never bend with the rainfall.
The mirror on my wall
Casts an image dark and small
But I’m not sure at all it’s my reflection.
I am blinded by the light
Of god and truth and right
And I wander in the night without direction.
It’s no matter if you’re born
To play the king or pawn
For the line is thinly drawn between joy and sorrow,
So my fantasy
Becomes reality,
And I must be what I must be and face tomorrow.
So I’ll continue to continue to pretend
My life will never end,
And flowers never bend with the rainfall.
One band I haven’t spent much time thinking about lately [read: the last few years] is The Postal Service, and I certainly haven’t heard them played in a long time, but in the past thirty six hours I’ve had three random encounters with their music.
First, I was in line at Peasant Pies in order to curb my hunger before going to the store when it came on. Brand New Colony. My initial thought was “Wow, I haven’t heard or thought about this band in a long time.” I mentally commended the pie server for their taste.
A few short hours later I was in the movie theater with one of my roommates, Sofia, and We Will Become Silhouettes played in the preview for a new movie with Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen. I noted the recurrence, but didn’t think much of it.
A few minutes ago We Will Become Silhouettes played on Pandora, on my Mountain Goats station. Now, normally the same bands make their way through this station with certain song variation. The Postal Service has never been one of them.
I like noticing interesting trends.
And, I never thought I would say this..or have cause to, but: my space heater is life changing. No one believes me when I tell them how cold it is here. Especially at night in my drafty ol’ flat.
Pandora is trying to kill me.
The Weakerthans – Left and Leaving
Sufjan Stevens – Casimir Pulaski Day
Radiohead – Fake Plastic Trees
Neutral Milk Hotel – Communist Daughter
Talk about nostalgic – these songs will bring me to tears with the memories they invoke.
if i could be who you wanted, if i could be who you wanted, all the time.
as soon as i figure out how, i’m going to start a running log of the songs i wake up with in my head. the persistent ones, the ones that make themselves known as i hum them all day. it’s always a line or two that i feel the urge to sing all morning. maybe they will tell me something about myself.
3/18 – The Mountain Goats, “Marduk T-shirt Men’s Room Incident”
3/19 – Paul Baribeau, “Christmas Lights”
this city is full of brave, beautiful gender benders.
i have a place to live now. i’m living in Inner Sunset, a more laid back (and totally underrated) neighborhood in the city. i’m two blocks from Golden Gate Park, and two blocks in the other direction(s) from a bunch of shops and restaurants. close to good public transport too. it’s the cheapest of the places i looked at, and also the biggest, so i thought there was no way i’d get it. but i did! my (four) roommates are actually really great and comfortable – i didn’t feel awkward around them for a minute. so impressive, considering that i found it on Craigslist. they even love Crit Crit!
the internship is a lot of fun so far, and i’m working full time for them for the next two weeks on contract, so i’ll make some money – which will ease a lot of stress. i need/am looking for a permanent job as well. i haven’t had much time to see the sights until lately, but today i applied for a job at a cafe where one of my roommates works, and it’s right on the beach – so i got to see that for the first time. so beautiful! i’ve always had an inner conflict about whether i wanted to live in the mountains or on the beach, and here there are both. insane. i wish the water were warm though. but, maybe not, because there were jellyfish washed up on the sand, and i’d be tempted to swim.
this past weekend was the Anarchist Book Fair at the Park (two blocks away). it’s so crazy to live somewhere where things like that happen. and are well attended. like, hundreds of people. hundreds of anarchists. twilight zone.
last night was the first time i was able to sleep without a sweater and socks since being here. like i’ve said, it’s absolutely freezing most of the time. i sleep with multiple blankets and a space heater. i forgot what being warm felt like. i forgot a lifetime of sweat in a month and a half of cold. today the other intern, ashley, and i ate our lunch in a little park near the office, laying in the grass. it was amazing. really, really needed. it was sunny, warm, beautiful. lots of people enjoying the weather.
nice, sunny days are such an occasion that random people on the street will exclaim “what a nice day!” to you as you pass by. on sunny days, everyone wears genuine grins. i’ve had homeless people walk up to me and say, “isn’t it a beautiful day? let’s enjoy it” and saunter off. but, then, the homeless people are the nicest people i’ve met in this city. which is great because, for such a “progressive” city, there are 15,000 people without homes – apparently “the highest per capita homeless population in the US” (csm).
but i’m reading [i at first wrote "ready" - subconscious insertion? my last two fortune cookies have told me that some good will come to me in due time, and that i will inherit a big sum of money. yes, i'm ready for those things], and learning a lot about myself. well, trying to. and trying to relax so that i can get better – my body has been freaking out.
i don’t know why i’ve been resisting writing – i’ll really try to do it more often.
