there’s so much emphasis placed on moving away. i hadn’t felt homesick here until this past month. well, not in the way i would traditionally think of homesickness. it’s more like being lost, totally uprooted, and disconnected from the things i love. not a sharp pain, an ache. i’m starting to realize the importance of staying, of going back, of home. there’s so much glory in going away. of severing ties or letting them die, of being free in the ability to leave. i want to find the freedom in staying. i want to mend those ties. what’s that song about tendons stretching across the country to reach each other. ah, yeah:

When we’re on different sides of the globe
I thought we’d keep our veins tangled
like a pair of mic cables,
And if there ain’t enough slack to reach
that we’d solder them together
and across oceans they’d stretch.

– Why?, Gemini (birthday song)

sometimes it feels like things are coming together.